You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
