I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is the high leading the old right now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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