You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
