In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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