he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
