I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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