dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
