He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Your penis caused this!
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