Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
