At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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