Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
