I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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