i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
