in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
