And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
