I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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