God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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