things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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