i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
