textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm always down for nudity.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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