Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
