end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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