i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
