My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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