I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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