I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
