He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
