I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
