yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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