His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
