so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
