you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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