Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
