I am puke
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
