god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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