you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
