You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
