u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
