Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
