I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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