I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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