My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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