I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
