So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
