he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
