College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
