im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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