with your own penis?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
