We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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