So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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