No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
